| Just thinking |
[03 Jan 2010|11:28pm] |
Im having an extremely bad day today. I don't know why. It's a day away from work so you'd think I'd be able to enjoy it, but sadly I can't.
It's days like today I realize that I'll never again be 130 pounds, and even if I do somehow manage to get to that weight again...nothing will ever be in the same places that it was in jr high. When I first went on my diet a few years ago, I thought Id just lose the weight and look the same as I used to, wrong. Everything looked different. My body had shifted over the years and it's not going to shift back correctly. And now I've gained 20 pounts from what Id lost and Im doing everything but starving myself to lose it again and nothing's working. My metabolism is just stuck in its position now.I do okay somedays, wearing clothing that help hide the fact I'm no longer proud of my body. But it hurts, everytime I try to find something to wear that won't make me look jiggly and odd shapen. Getting dressed is an everyday hassle for me anymore. It depresses me to no end. I actually wish my job had uniforms so I wouldn't have to stress about what to wear daily. People always say you can't live in the past, but that doesn't make me not want to. There's days that I feel like I can accomplish whatever I need to, then there's days like this that I realize Im never again going to be that small girl with thick flowing hair that I once was. All I have anymore is heavy makeup and trick camera angles to make me feel prettier than I am. That's not much to rely on either especially since trick camera angles don't do much good when you're hanging out with people and feel self conscious. Sometimes I feel like working where I do causes these thoughts as well. Working at a place where every where you turn there's a small gorgeous girl in every corner. Most of which look at you like youre a dirty little scrubby thing. I'm tired of fighting with my weight and losing...I just want to eat a whole gallon of ice cream, a whole large pizza, and a box of crackers with spray cheese and be done with it.
I miss being cute and small with curves where they need to be and not everywhere. I miss having beautiful hair that I don't have to fight with for hours just to end up a frizzy mess. I miss feeling attractive and cocky. Im just so tired of being in my own skin right now.
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| Happy Birthday BETH! |
[13 Mar 2009|12:03pm] |
Sorry it's a bit late gurlie, me and Tanna recorded you a message! It's in the voicepost below this one!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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| I need YOUR help! |
[04 Mar 2009|03:09am] |
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from Kayla/DistortedDoll/Pixie:
I'm really wanting to start selling my crafts and various things I make. I am drawing a complete blank and I need a shop name, that's where YOU come in! I need shop name suggestions! As many as you can think of!
Maybe the name could have something to do with the fact I make a lot of different things? Or relate to the things I make. Doesn't have to though. I'll be making different things including glassware etchings, charms jewelry, and scents, and arrangements (and whatever else seems to catch my attention...perhaps homemade candles and such). Suggest as many shop names as you want! Anything would help. For winning you can either choose one of the following starred items:
* 1 Digital Art Stamp and 1 Digital Art Banner
* 1 Drawing (Traditional Media or Digitally Colored) mail me for art samples
* 2 Small Photo manips - mail me for art samples Now get to suggesting! Also tell your friends, your cousins, your aunts and uncles, your imaginary playmates, and anyone else you can think of that would like to suggest.
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| Anxiety Issues |
[23 Aug 2008|01:07pm] |
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Warning! This is very LONG! Please don't start to just skim it, its hardly worth it then lol
If you're going to read it, I suggest you get you a nice bowl of popcorn, and brew you some tea
(not sure if anyone even eats popcorn while drinking tea...I would)
And get comfy while you read this bit of ranting, random, piece of my life
Some parts are funny
Cont. of last post and friggin rant about the junk I've been through in my life....
I guess a lot of my problems stem from the fact I have anxiety issues...
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| Site...&....Toes...! |
[21 Aug 2008|12:17am] |
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So yup, I'm working on a new website for my art, which my friend Katherine has helped me with the coding
(thank goodness since I'm so CSS incapable!)
It should be up within a few weeks!
So yeah I got bored the other day and decided to paint / decorate my toenails...(which I hadn't did in forever)
And since I'm a cool kid, I thought I would post a pic of my toes for everyone to see my awesome nails =D
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| Odd Times at Denny's |
[04 Aug 2008|12:39am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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So Saturday night (really Sunday morning about 1 am-ish), Me and Kody were bored and hungry so we decided to go to Denny's to grab some breakfast food before coming back home and passing out.
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| New Journal That Will Go Unoticed By Many |
[03 Aug 2008|06:06pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Mahler - Symphony No 1 in D Major |
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Well this is the first journal entry in my new livejournal
I'm not even really sure why I got another livejournal. Since the invention of myspace it seems journals/blogs and email have become obsolete. To be honest if it wasn't for reading Beth's journals and one of my favorite author's journals, I probably wouldn't even have bothered to start this thing. I've added only 2 people to my list right now anyway. Which is who was mentioned so I doubt this thing will ever get read by the masses.
Most people I talk to/know/whatever won't read it if it's not on Myspace. I'm already having that problem with getting my art out there, no one seems to do anything but myspace anymore. Forget looking on an art page, forget looking on art forums, let's put all of our art on myspace for the Scenemo kids to disrespect and steal...yeah that sounds like a plan! *rolls eyes*
So yeah don't know what else to say in my first entry. The way it's going seems like everything coming out of my mouth today might end up in a rant.
Wisdom tooth hurts, I wish the infection would come out.
That's all for now I guess
I have a more interesting (I guess you could say) topic to post on later
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chibi_red_stars's journal
